Over the past two years I often have found myself in a position of being in the middle of a project when I realize that I am simply uninterested in what I have created. Everything is fine, but completely uninspired. Often this comes when I am illustrating something in a traditional way— not thinking about color or character— just painting on autopilot. It will be a painting of a bird/bug/plant— and it is perfectly fine— but there is this nothing about it that is interesting to me.
So lately I have been really trying to focus on what it is that I want to do with my artwork; How to give it life; How to make it speak, at least to me. How to create something that is more than just a perfectly fine but forgettable piece.
It is not enough for me any more to just put something out there, mute. Finding a voice is the challenge I am chasing. And I feel like I am digging at it, finding bits and bones here and there, like a dinosaur in pieces. My voice has all these components— and I still am unsure how it all fits into one form. Traditional illustration is in there, but there is also a component of whimsy that I have been searching for that needs to be a part of this puzzle. And color, used with intentionality. Specific color palettes. On a side note: I realize now all that I missed by never going to art school. I never even knew design school was a thing. If I had all the money and all the time in the world, I would start at the very beginning. But I am entering this road from a field of cows, and I am trying to stay positive about the strange backroads I have taken to get to where I am in my career.
Fast forward to the egg:
For over a month I cradled this egg— first taking it completely apart to place a stone inside; teaching it to stand so that it is affectively a giant toy Weeble, always wobbling but never
falling down.
Then came the reassembly, then came the dressing. I was halfway through when I slowly began to realize it wasn’t feeling connected to it.
So I took a pause.
Sometimes a pause is all you need to see clearly what needs to be done, or undone. Here’s what I learned when I took a quiet moment to listen my own voice:
1) I like color, but with precision and order. This is something I learned when I painted the piano, and I have to keep reminding myself of it. I like a piece that in a sense looks intentionally designed, the way one would design a pattern on a piece of fabric. The colors have to tell a story of their own. I want five colors that could hold a dinner conversation with each other— five close friends that could argue back and forth about Hemingway or food politics.
2) I like playing with mixed media, but I also like consistency in elements. For example, I finally decided to use paper maps for the background of my egg, but when it came to the birds I wanted them to be strictly painted. I played with the idea of using both collage and paint in the birds, but it just didn’t sit right. Again, there is an almost obsessive love of order within me that I just can’t ignore.
3) It is still somewhat important to me, being a trained scientific illustrator, that specific elements are true to nature. For example, a bird is not just some obtuse representation of a generic bird. It is specifically a nuthatch, or a robin, or a creeper, or a flycatcher. You get the point. There has to be some nod toward reality to make it interesting and enjoyable for me.
4) However, on that same note, complete and total realistic representation is not enough for me. There has to be a sense of whimsy. I want to draw character, which possibly the most challenging part of what I do, because character brings in flavorful ideas of color and form that base realistic representation cannot.
I feel like I’ve accomplished something with this piece. As an artist I feel like I’ve explored something different in my attic of self that I wasn’t aware of before. I think that’s all we can ever do as artists— just keep exploring and excavating. Soon my egg will be out there in the world somewhere on display, hunted for, and then auctioned off. Details to come soon…stay tuned!
